1.
How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?
I
discovered the word “poly” about 10 years ago, and that’s
when my romantic life suddenly made sense to me. Before discovering
that it was a legit relationship choice, I had a lot of guilt about
wanting multiple partners, and thought there was either something
wrong with me, or something wrong with whoever I was dating at the
time. I broke up with a lot of people that I loved dearly, thinking
that wanting other partners meant they must not be “the
one”.
2.
What does your relationship dynamic look like?
I
have a partner who I’ve been with 8 years and we have a kid together.
He has a girlfriend and I have a different girlfriend. My girlfriend
has a boyfriend who I’m potentially interested in. I also have a
business partner who I’m sometimes romantic with. What I’m most
excited about in relationships is learning and growing, leaning a bit
past my comfort zone, and being curious about what’s on the other
side. I get more excited about deep emotional intimacy than physical
intimacy.
3.
What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?
Understanding
multiple points of view.
4. What aspect of polyamory do you
struggle with?
Jealousy
when I imagine that I’m being rejected + replaced, and taking that
personally.
5. How do you address and/or overcome those
struggles?
Clear
communication using various modalities such as “The Work of
Byron Katie” and NVC (non-violent communication). Asking
questions, and being vulnerable.
6. In terms of
risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one
another?
It
depends on the partner and what their specific needs are. Lots of
communication beforehand, testing regularly, and educating ourselves.
Sex isn’t the main focus of my relationships, also, so sometimes a
relationship becomes non-sexual for a time if it isn’t compatible
with other partners’ needs or what I’m wanting right then.
7.
What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made in your polyamorous
history and how did you rebound from that?
Making
agreements that I didn’t have an authentic “yes” to, then
resenting my partner for it. I now make sure to really check in with
myself before making agreements, and also periodically revisit
agreements to make sure they still feel right or if they need to be
renegotiated.
(Bonus:
Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are
involved with that you would like to promote?):
I
am the creator of the popular poly webcomic Kimchi Cuddles, which
explores a lot of relationship dynamics and topics other than
polyamory, including queer + genderqueer
issues: http://KimchiCuddles.com www.facebook.com/KimchiCuddles
I’m
also publishing a collection of Kimchi Cuddles comics with Thorntree
Press (creators of More Than Two), which will be coming out next
year.
[Editor’s Note: Tikva’s book is now available!!! I’m adding a link in order to throw her some additional support.
