And with that intimidating (for me anyway) picture of Nicole Murphy, the 45 year old mother of five kids, we may begin. This, is me:

Actually, no. That's me with a ton of makeup and clothes that I don't usually wear on a daily basis. This, is me.

Just before my life in Nigeria, I exercised about three times a week, did a lot of yoga and tried to play squash once a month. I ate well. I've never been addicted to chocolates or crisps or super greasy food. I love smoothies, soups and salads. I love hearty meals too but I've always only eaten when I am hungry. I make a very angry hungry person too mind you but I digress. I had a great job, earned a decent penny, rented an awesome flat, had a great social life, I holidayed, I partied, I had family that loved me but I was unhappy. I would sit at my desk at work putting in my 70-80 hours a week and randomly start crying. I mastered the art of crying in a room full of people without anyone noticing.

I loved my job. Sure, the hours were long sometimes but I more often than not volunteered for the workload. I was unhappy with life and found solace in heavy workload not unlike the voice in this piece I wrote. I've always been a bit of a workaholic and I suppose it only makes sense that I would use work to distract me from whatever demons I wasn't ready to battle. The way I saw it, I can't be useless to myself if I am busy being useful to others.

Then my workload changed and it no longer distracted me enough. The tears at my desk became more frequent. I started alienating myself from my friends, I would spend my weekends in bed eating a lot, crying a lot or just staring out into space a lot, ignoring every phone call until those too stopped. There was something very wrong with me inside. Something I knew was broken years ago, something that was festering and now giving birth to little minions of thoughts. I was depressed and when my doctor wrote me a prescription for Zoloft, I knew that I had to do something about what I was doing to myself. Drugs were not the answer I needed.

Jog on a few paces and then stop at Nigeria. The next cornerstone but hopefully not the final frontier. Nigeria is probably not the best place to live if you like being in control of the things that happen to you and how you handle them. For starters, my diet changed drastically, my lifestyle choices became more limited and I (at first) responded by resurrecting the outgoing version of me that made it through KCL. After a few encounters with the Nigerian entertainment community at large, I shut down again. That fish-out-of-water, mutton-dressed-as-lamb feeling began. That crying at the office thing began. That dissatisfaction with life thing began again.

Lets jog on to now. In this current moment, I have submitted myself to doing the things that make me happy. To being comfortable with how awkward I am and knowing that that's okay. I'm learning how to handle the negativity of being me in the environment I'm in and doing the kind of work that I do.

The decision to add MMR (Exercise, Motivation, Meditation, Revelation) to my website was made last month because I don't want to be Jane Doe, a character who's story I've been writing for a number of years now. MMR will chronicle my thoughts on:

Exercise - mind & body
Meditation - I recently discovered The Meditation Podcast and Meditation Oasis and I am learning some very helpful tools to help centre myself
Motivation - I set myself a challenge every day now.
Revelation - results, recovery & reconciliation

My entries on MMR will feature my personal thoughts, pictures, quotes, videos and anything helpful that I come across much in the same stead as my hair obsession portal, Scalp Lock.

MMR is something I believe that I need to do for me. It's not for everybody and I really won't judge you if you never visit this part of my website again after today. I am after all the same person who hates self help books like Your Best Life Now! Rich Dad, Poor Dad and its ilk. The way I see it, if I can spend even a fraction of the time I spend fussing over my hair on other aspects of my life that I am (clearly) dissatisfied with, I should be able to achieve something good. MMR will chart my progress so that I may measure it in time.

*This is where I want to be. Happy on the inside and out, a toned being of sound mind, body and spirit.*

And because I am a greedy clogs, I wouldn't mind getting definition around the waist like BlacBomshell's:

Like everyone else on the planet, I have problem areas. I do not like my

arms for example. I would like more definition. There are times when I see myself in pictures and my arms look like they belong on a size 12 person. I'm not imagining it either. Stylists have brought me clothes on set before thinking I was at least two sizes bigger than I actually am
cheeks. They do get quite chubby and I tend to accidentally bite into them. Very painful. How does one get that Nicole Murphy type definition on one's face without going to the other end like Scott Wright? I think his face was cuter when he had more meat to it
thighs. I had a meeting a few months ago at Ikeja City Mall. When it finished, I decided to do a walk about as I'd never been to that mall before. I popped into the Zara store, saw a number of things that I liked and decided to try them on. Cue special lighting in their changing rooms and all I could see on me was more cellulite than I could count. When did that happen?
abs. I want a stomach that I don't have to suck in or tuck in slightly into my sokoto when I sit down. Yes, I do this at the moment. It's not very obvious when I stand but I am beginning to develop a small-chops & pounded yam gut. It cannot stay.

I haven't found a yoga class or instructor that I can justify their price in Lagos or a gym to rival my beloved Reebok Sports Club so I'm going to be relying on work out videos and my personal trainer who from henceforth will be known as BatWolverine. Speaking of videos, here is one routine I will be adding to my asylum work out when I start it again next month:

Move of the Week from Beach Babe 2 DVD: Beach Barre Routine. It's the Skinny Dip! This move works the backs of your arms, your booty, and your lower abs!

I say next month because I am doing a 30 day cleanse at the moment and although I'd hoped to start exercising yesterday, I found that I did not have enough strength for a high energy work out like Asylum Volume 2 or Focus T25.

Anyway, lets see how I get on. Before I wrap up this post, can I just say: I love Angela Simmons! That's all for now. Thanks for sticking with this rather long introductory post :)

Peace, Love & Being In It To Win It!

Fix Up, Look Sharp